Munich
by Gilboobs
Summary: An mpreg story involving Austria & Bavaria, do to the historical relationship between them. Crappy title is crappy, I know. Warnings: cursing/swearing/cussing and mpreg.
1. Surprises & Bitchy Bavaria

**Author Commentary: **First thing: there doesn't seem to be much Austria/Bavaria on this site, though, historically, and even now, the two are "close." So, me being an mpreg-hag, I decided to write an mpreg Austria/Bavaria story for your enjoyment! (Also, the pronunciation of Mr. Barack Obama's name is how many of the kids in my school say the name. And I find it very amusing.)

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

"Well, Australia, you're boyfriend is sure carrying high for the baby being a boy!" America commented, slapping Austria's back.

Austria winced, rolled his eyes, pushed his glasses toward his face, and sighed. "First things first it's _Au-stri-ah_ not _Aus-stral-li-ah._"Austria said "Australia" with much distaste. "And second, you're probably making Bavaria feel self-conscious."

America in an obnoxious manner. "How could he even hear me?"

"You're the loudest guy in here!" Bavaria yelled from across the room.

Austria smirked. America blushed and bit his lip.

All the other nations began filing into the room. Austria jogged over to Bavaria—who was seated beside Germany—and plopped into his seat between Bavaria and Switzerland.

Bavaria and Austria locked lips—and locked lips for awhile at that.

"Boys, please, you're scaring Liechtenstein," Switzerland said, sounding angered.

Liechtenstein—who was seated beside Switzerland—leaned forward and smiled. "No, Bavaria, Austria, it's fine." Liechtenstein smiled. "I fine it very sweet, actually."

Bavaria rested his head on Austria's shoulder and laughed qietly. "Liechtenstein, you are truly an interesting girl."

"Is that good or bad?" Liechtenstein inquired.

"Hmm..." Bavaria smiled contently. "Good, usually."

"Cool!" Liechtenstein leaned back into her seat.

Bavaria had _just_ fallen asleep when America yelled, "No way, y'all! Bear-rack Who-sane O-bam-ma just said he backed marriage for _homos_!"

Many of the nations who had legalized same-sex marriage began to clap.

"No!" America wailed. "This is _bad_! Unholy! Satanic! Evil! Unnatural!"

"What has Bush done to you?" Switzerland teased.

Many of the nations began to laugh.

"Why are you such a homophobe?" Canada asked.

England look around the room. "'Oo said that?"

"I don't know, man!" America laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

Bavaria looked across the table and frowned at Canada. "You poor thing." Bavaria mouthed to Canada.

All the nations then suffered through the remainder of the meeting, which was basically America, Mexico, and parts of Eastern Europe going at it with Western Europe and Canada about same-sex marriage and the legality and "moral rightness" of it. Canada gave a very good argument, but sadly was not noticed.

The fight lasted about an half an hour. Bavaria was one of the few Western European regions that wasn't involved with the arguing, mainly do to his pregnant state.

Austria soon came back to Bavaria with Germany, Liechtenstein, and Switzerland in tow.

"You sure gave it to him." Bavaria laughed.

Austria and Bavaria kissed quickly.

"Ja, I think all of us did pretty damn good. Fucking moron." Austria paused for a minute. "Bavaria, are you ready to go?"

Bavaria nodded his head. "Ja."

Austria helped Bavaria stand. Bavaria was somewhat wobbly when he first stood, but managed to steady himself with the help of Austria, of course.

"So... who's house are we going to tonight?" Liechtenstein asked. "Me and Swissy's, Germany's, or Austria and Bavaria's place?"

"Germany's house," Austria replied.

Germany sighed. "Fine." Germany then looked at Bavaria. "Don't be too shocked if Prussia is rude to you."

"I can take him," Bavaria said drowsily.

Austria laughed. "Oh no, you can't."

Bavaria glared at his boyfriend, noticeably angered. The pregnant nation stuck his finger in Austria's face. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do."

Rolling his eyes, Austria sighed.

"I'm _not_ defenseless! I'm just pregnant!"

Austria puts his hands on his hips. "I'm not saying you're _defenseless_, it's just that you pregnant and could hurt my child!"

Bavaria put his hands his on hips and stepped back slightly. "_Your _child? I believe you mean _our _child." He scoffed. "It's more like mine since I have carried it around for eight and a half months."

"WILL YOU TWO _SHUT UP_?" Germany screamed. "WE'RE FUCKING LEAVING NOW!"

Austria glanced over to Germany, only to find the blond jogging toward the door with Switzerland and Liechtenstein. Austria then glanced at Bavaria, who looked about ready to cry. Austria draped his arm around Bavaria's shoulders. "Let's get out of here."

Bavaria and Austria left the meeting hall and dashed through the parking lot, which was covered with a thick blanket of snow. Bavaria managed to hit an ice patch and almost landed right on his ass, only to be caught by Austria.

When the two made it into the car, Bavaria sighed and smiled at Austria. "Thanks."

"No problem." Austria jammed the key into the ignition and cranked it twice before the car started.

Bavaria passed out during the half-an-hour drive to Germany and Prussia's house, and was not too excited to wake up.

Austria helped his pregnant lover into the house. The brunette nation opened the screen door—which lead straight into the dining room—and flipped on the light.

"SURPRISE!" A small group of nations—which consisted of: Germany, Prussia, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Canada, and Italy—yelled.

Bavaria stepped back in shock. He next looked the room over. It was decorated in blue streamers, there was a blue-and-white cake on a blue plate sitting on the dining room table (which had a blue table-cloth on it), among other blue things.

Bavaria's only comment to the surprise baby shower was, "You _all_ know that I do not take well to surprises."

Everyone laughed.

The nations attending the baby shower did not do too much other than eat, obsess over Bavaria, eat some more, obsess over Bavaria a little bit more (only until it _really _started to annoy him), shove more food down their throats, mess with Bavaria, and eat again.

"I am _not _enjoying this, Austria," Bavaria whispered into Austria's ear.

Austria sighed. "We are leaving in five minutes. Just sit tight until then, all right?"

"All right..." Bavaria rested his head on Austria's shoulder and drifted off.

"Bavaria." Austria shook his lover's shoulder. "Bavaria, wake up."

Bavaria rubbed his eyes. "Huh? What?"

"It's almost 9 o'clock." Austria smiled. "We're leaving now."

"Carry me," Bavaria demanded.

Austria crotched down slightly and lifted his lover off the sofa. Bavaria—even before he was with child—was heavy, but now, with an extra thirty-plus pounds of baby weight, was definetly a heavy man. Austria tipped forward, but luckily caught himself. Germany shook his head and Prussia grinned at Austria's struggling. Austria managed to give Prussia the finger.

Austria staggered from the house to the car, in which he accidently threw Bavaria into.

"You could have killed the baby!" Bavaria screamed as he smacked Austria's face.

"I'm sorry, dear." Austria rolled his eyes.

The couple drove home in silence, mainly do to the fact that Bavaria had fallen asleep during the ride.

After they had gotten home, Bavaria stumbled into the house and passed out on the bed.

Austria looked down at his crotch. "Time to go play 'little fireman'."


	2. He'll Try His Best

**Author Commentary: **This story takes place three days after the first one.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

Bavaria—who was rapidly approaching his due-date—had been trying his best to stay healthy, but he had failed in his attempt and caught a nasty case of the flu. The very pregnant nation had been vomiting, complaining of stomach pains, and running a fever of 104 degrees Fahrenheit (40 degrees Celsius).

Austria—being a good boyfriend—had done his best to care for his lover and was not doing the greatest. The brunette was wringing out a blue washrag to place on Bavaria's forehead.

"Austria," Bavaria panted. "Do _not _put that fucking thing on my head."

"I have to," Austria said sweetly as he went against his lover's ordes.

Bavaria then passed out from shear exhaustion moments later.

Austria exited the bedroom and sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. "Ugh... Bavaria being sick is driving me insane. This probably isn't good for the baby either." The brunette sighed heavily. "Poor Bavaria..."

An idea suddenly went through Austria's head. He jumped up from his chair, knocked the chair over, ran to the cabinet, and dug through it for his music sheets. HE next went back to the table and began writing up a song. It took Austria a little bit longer than two hours to finish.

"I hope Bavaria'll like it." Austria sighed.

Speaking of Bavaria, the former nation had woken up, sobbing from the pain of his fever.

Austria walked into the room, only to notice Bavaria's suffering.

"Oh dear," Austria moaned. The brunette nation rushed to his lover's side and placed his hand on Bavaria's forehead. "Ohhh... you've only gotten warmer."

Bavaria pulled his boyfriend closer to him and sobbed into Austria's chest. Austria held his ill lover close to him, trying his best to comfort the heavily pregnant nation. The attempt of comfort came to no avail, and Bavaria cried himself back to sleep. Austria laid him down on the bed.

Once Austria was pretty sure his lover was going to stay asleep, he crawled into bed beside him. The soon-to-be father was unable to sleep, do to him thinking about his boyfriend's current pregnant-and-running-crazy-high-fever state.

The soon-to-be dad inspected his expectant boyfriend's body without waking the man. Probably the worst thing about Bavaria's appearance—which was not all that awful—was the way the man styled his caramel-brown hair. The majority of it was slicked back, but there was a piece roughly an inch in width and an inch vertical length that managed to fall down no matter what Bavaria did with the rebel-hair.

Next, Austria moved his gaze to Bavaria's chest, touching it gently. Austria reminisced about the feeling of Bavaria's chest before the pregnancy—rather rock-hard, strong, an over-all "manly" chest. In the last few months, Bavaria's chest had definetly softened.

The third "stop" was Bavaria's baby bump. Austria was inferring that his child was healthy, considering how much weight Bavaria had gained in the duration of the pregnancy. Austria pressed his hand against Bavaria's distended stomach. Bavaria wiggled under Austria's touch. Austria suddenly felt the baby press its foot against his palm.

"Oh, hello." Austria smiled down at Bavaria's stomach. "What are you doing there?"

The pressured suddenly ended. Austria sighed unhappily and waited for the push to return. When he was about to give up, he felt the push return.

Austria kissed Bavaria's stomach.

"Austria?" Bavaria asked drowsily. "What 're ya doin'?"

"Nothing," Austria mumbled. "Go back to sleep."

The brunette planted a kiss on his boyfriend's lips. Bavaria smiled and returned the kiss sleepily. He then dozed off.

"I know that I'm not perfect," Austria murmured to his sleeping boyfriend. "But I'll try my best to take care of you and our baby."


	3. All the Sexual Tension

**Author Commentary:** Prussia, Germany, and Austria try to work together, with disastrous results. Sorry that it's so short. The chapters will be longer starting at _Chapter 5_, I promise.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

"Prussia, do you even know what you are doing?" Bavaria asked as his twin brother as he attempted to put a changing table for Bavaria and Austria's child together.

Prussia cocked his head to the side and scratched his scalp. "Um... ja. I think so." Prussia looked down at the directions. "Uh... maybe not."

Bavaria, for lack of a better phrase, face-palmed.

Germany and Austria—who were both putting the crib together—began to laugh obnoxiously loud.

"Quit laughing at my awesomeness!" Prussia yelled. "I don't see you helping me at all!"

"Well, Prussia, you told us not to help you," Austria chortled. "And we wouldn't anyway, because this is just too good."

Bavaria glared angrily at Austria. "Austria... go help Prussia. He is _not _going to fuck up my baby's stuff."

Austria rolled his eyes. "I'll fix it later."

"AAAHHH! FUCK THIS UNAWESOME SHIT!" Prussia threw a plastic piece of the table at the ground, causing it to crack in half.

"This," Bavaria began while pointing at the busted plastic piece. "Is _exactly_ what I was talking about."

"Prussia, go help Germany." Austria traded Prussia spaces.

"SHIIIT!" Prussia yelled as part of the crib "magically" splintered.

Bavaria face-palmed once more. "That. Was. A. Splinter. Proof. Crib."

Austria was about ready to explode. "Prussia, get the fuck out of here before I throttle you."

Prussia smirked. "Throttle? You are going to 'throttle' me?" Prussia laughed stupidly. "What the hell is 'throttle'?"

"I'll show you!" Austria yelled as he jumped up from his seat and ran over to Prussia. Austria wrapped his hands around Prussia's scrawny little throat and began shaking the albino. "_That_ is throttling." Austria said as he released Prussia.

The albino ex-nation gasped for air. "Oh mein Gott. Oh mein Gott. Oh mein Gott. Oh. Mein. Gott."

Bavaria rolled his eyes and glared at Austria with a notably angered look on his face. "You could have killed my brother, you idiot."

"I'm sorry dear," Austria lied.

Prussia was still laying on the floor. "Ack! Mein Gott! My neck burns!"

Austria pounced on Prussia's ribs. "Payback, you stupid albino!"

Germany sighed and laughed to himself quietly.

Suddenly, Prussia and Austria were rolling around on the floor, beating each other viciously. After ten minutes of rolling, there was a "snap" and a scream from Prussia.

"Oh shit..."


	4. Just Like Periods

**Author Commentary:** This takes place the day after the whole Prussia's-Arm-Breaks incident.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

"You could have killed my brother's baby." Bavaria glared at the Austria from across the dining room table.

Austria sighed and rolled his eyes. "For the millionth time, Bayern, I did not know that he 's pregnant!"

Bavaria still looked at Austria like he was going to kill him. "You could have murdered the baby." Bavaria brushed his bangs from his eyes. "I would be more upset if it was Germany you did that to..."

"Ja, all right. Both your brothers get knocked up at the same time and it's _my _fault they forget to tell me?" Austria returned Bavaria's angry glare.

Prussia, who had a Prussia blue cast on his arm, was laying on the sofa at Bavaria and Austria's place. Canada was also over at the house, along with Germany and Italy.

"Ja! Stupid Austria. Be careful about what you do!" Prussia yelled. He then placed his hand on his barely noticeable stomach. "Your uncle Austria is stupid and totally unawesome and don't forget that."

Canada rolled his eyes. "I stay with you because...?"

Prussia gave a smug smile to Canada. "Because I am awesome."

Canada shook his head and attempted to suppress a smile.

Bavaria wiggled in his seat uncomfortably. The nation was one day over-due (his due-date was December eighteenth, but the baby had refused to show) and was in a massive amount of pain. Austria was panicking. So was Germany.

Bavaria and Austria bickered back-and-forth for a while longer. Bavaria finally gave up and went to his and Austria's room, locking the door.

"Goddammit," Austria muttered, shaking his head. The noticably angered, tired nation went into the living room and plopped down in "his" white chair.

Prussia smirked stupidly at Austria. Austria quickly gave the finger as a response.

"Vee... so immature." Italy sighed and rested his head on Germany's shoulder.

Germany nodded. The blond then looked at his older brother, who had fallen asleep.

Canada shook his head. "Prussia's drooling..."

"This is a noise I never thought I would made in my life, but," Germany pause momentarily, "Eeewww."

Austria nodded in agreement. "Ja. It's disgusting."

"Vee... that's Prussia for you!" Italy smiled.

The other nations nodded in agreement.

"So, Canada, when's the baby due?" Austria asked, trying to prevent an uncomfortable silence.

"Let's see... it's December and Prussia is just short of four months along, so that would mean..." Canada started to think about it. "May... twenty-fifth, I _think._" Canada shrugged. "Anyway, it's the day after Germany." Canada smirked.

Germany uncharacteristically stuck his tongue out. 鄭nyway, my kid is due May twenty-fourth. So, you were right, for once."

"Vee... let's act like adults here." Italy giggled.

"Never!" Canada, Austria, and Germany responded at once.

Germany, Austria, Canada, and Italy laughed a bit. The four then talked for a long while, laughing at every other word.

Bavaria came into the room. "Since when have you started laughing, Germany?" The slightly older nation-thingamajig teased.

"Since right now." Germany shrugged.

"Scoot." Bavaria demanded of Austria. Austria scooted over the best he could, but Bavaria still wound up sitting on him.

Italy's iPhone suddenly went off. The copper-haired nation pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the text message. "Vee... that's great!"

Prussia cracked open an eye. "Shut up."

Canada shot Prussia a deadly look. "What's so great?"

"Romano just texted me and told me Spain is pregnant!" Italy cried.

Italy's iPhone went off again. "And Romano just texted me again and told me France is expecting!"

"It seems that everyone's reproductive cycles have synced up," Bavaria joked.

Prussia grinned evilly. "They're just like periods!"


	5. Damn it, FaceBook!

**Author Commentary:** It's 24 December (like, the morning. The _way_ early morning.) And stuff happens that totally contradicts Bavaria's beliefs.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

"Austria." Bavaria nudged his boyfriend. "Austria, wake up."

"What?" Austria practically growled as he cracked open his eyes.

"Help me get to the bathroom."

Austria sighed and rolled out of bed. He stumbled to Bavaria's side on helped the heavily pregnant nation up. Bavaria felt his way to the bathroom, which was joined to the master bedroom. Bavaria did his thing and crawled back into bed.

Bavaria glanced over at Austria, who had flipped on the bedside light and was reading that godforsaken _Twilight Saga _book _Breaking Dawn._

"Bayern, did you happen to check what time it is?" Austria asked, not looking up from the book.

Bavaria shook his head. "No."

Austria sighed, placed his book on the nightstand, found his Android phone, turned it on, checked the time, and found it to be 3:33 a.m.

"What time is it, Austria?" Bavaria yawned as he rested his head on Austria's shoulder.

Austria yawned before answering, "3:31."  
"Of course. That _must_ be why the baby is awake right now." Bavaria wiggled uncomfortably, while the baby kicked him repeatedly.

Austria slid down and kissed Bavaria's stomach. Tears trailed down Austria's cheeks. He was falling more and more in love with Bavaria every day. He was also falling love with the child. _His _child. His and Bavaria's.

Bavaria, who was propped up on his shoulders, stared down at Austria and laughed. "You are _so _mushy-gushy."

Austria, through the tears, crawled back up to Bavaria. "You are a jerk."

"Ja. I know." Bavaria smirked.

Austria turned over and opened the nightstand's drawer and pulled out a black velvet box. He opened it and looked at the sleek, black ring inside it. _"Here goes nothing," _Austria thought. The brunette turned over, box in hand, and said, "Bavaria, I need to ask you something."

"Ja...?" Bavaria yawned.

"Will you marry me...?" Austria felt sick. Sick in the sense that Bavaria would say "no".

"I _am _a conservative." Bavaria laughed. "But I'm definitely not too conservative for this."

Austria slipped the ring on Bavaria's finger and pulled down his Android.

"Austria," Bavaria began. "What are you doing?"

"I'm changing my relationship status on FaceBook to 'engaged'!"


	6. Cheesecake

**Author Commentary:** It's 28 December (four days after _Chapter 5_) and... um... you all get to meet the baby in this chapter. Also: I do not like the end.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

Austria smiled down at his son, who was hardly twenty minutes old. The small child was sleeping peacefully, as was Bavaria.

"Hey." Germany poked his head into the room. "Can we come in now?"

Austria nodded and pressed his right index finger to his lips. "Shh."

Germany, Italy, and Canada entered the room.

"Where's Prussia?" Austria asked quietly.

Canada sighed. "He's at home. He caught a really nasty cold and he didn't want to get the baby sick by coming up."

"Oh..." Austria noticed the pastel yellow bag Canada was holding and motioned toward it. "What's in there?"

Canada smiled. "Baby stuff. Ya know clothes, toys, blankets, diapers... you name it, it's in here."

"Thanks Canada. That means a lot." Austria adjusted the baby in his arms.

"Vee... what did you name the little bambino?" Italy asked curiously.

Austria laughed. "Prussia will _love_ this name. So... guess."

"Tomato?" Italy asked.

Germany, Canada, and Austria laughed. Italy turned bright red.

Canada gasped. "You named him Fritz, didn't ya?"

Austria smirked. "That's part of it." Austria coughed. "His full name is Fritz Gilbert Edelstein."

Germany stated the obvious, "Prussia'll love it."

Canada whipped out his iPhone. "Lemme get a picture!" Canada got the phone onto the picture setting. "Take off his little cap too. I have not yet seen his hair."

Austria smiled and removed Fritz's cap. Everybody gasped and Canada almost dropped his phone.

"The baby's _albino_?" Canada cried, shockingly not waking Bavaria.

Austria sat the baby up in his arms. "Ja. His eyes are really cool too." The brunette laughed. "One of them is violet and the other is red."

Fritz opened his yes as if to prove a point.

Canada started snapping pictures. Italy and Germany joined in.

Bavaria woke up after they finished. "Damn... you guys are loud."

"Sorry," Germany apologized. The two brothers then hugged.

"I'm guessing Austria all ready told you what _I_ named the baby?" Bavaria yawned.

Germany nodded. "Fritz Gilbert Edelstein."

"And his city name is Munich." Bavaria paused and then continued, "I'm guessing he neglected to say how much Frittie weighs?"

Germany glanced at Austria. "I was kind of curious."

"Fourteen and a half pounds." Bavaria glared angrily at Austria.

Italy gasped. "Vee... that is a big baby."

Bavaria nodded. "The nurse said that Frittie was the biggest baby that they ever delivered at this hospital." Bavaria smirked. "Anyway... I swear he's half cheesecake."

Everyone began to laugh.

"Prussia loves the baby's name!" Canada informed everyone as he read the text. His face fell somewhat. "And he says that the baby's nickname should be... Awesome Cheesecake."


	7. The Italian Cartman

**Author Commentary:** Drama, drama, and more drama.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

Bavaria decided to take week old Munich to one of the meetings. Needless to say, all the other nations were fascinated by the beautiful little boy.

Very early in the meeting, Germany had uncharacteristically fallen asleep with his head on Italy's shoulder. The baby had kept Germany up with its constant kicking.

So, in place of Germany, Bavaria went up to the end of the table and yelled, "Everyone, SHUT UP!"

Almost instantly, everyone was quiet. Bavaria walked back to his seat and plopped down. "People are so immature."

"Ja." Austria nodded in agreement.

The Bad Touch Trio—France, Spain, and Prussia—were giggling over the fact that they were all not only pregnant, but due on the same day. Their boyfriends—England, Romano, and Canada—were just rolling their eyes and laughing (_except_ for Romano. He wasn't laughing. Like usual.)

America began ranting about how all western Europeans (and Estonia) were "Satanic faggots" and they that they all needed to "burn in the deepest pit of hell."

Everyone went off on America. Somewhere during the "bash America fest", the nations turned on each other.

Munich, shockingly, was not crying. And Germany was still sleeping. If he was awake, pregnant or not, he would have whooped some ass.

Some nations had booked it after thirty minutes.

Bavaria, Austria, Prussia, Canada, Spain, Romano, Italy, and Germany—after much shaking awake and begging from Italy—were among those nations.

Switzerland and Liechtenstein wanted to leave, but they could not for two reasons. One: they were neutral and being neutral they had to stay until everyone else was gone and two: Luxembourg (Liechtenstein's boyfriend) was staying at the meeting.

As the eight nations exited the meeting hall, they heard a gunshot, some nations gasp, and an Arabic nation yell, "SIT DOWN! IF YOU REFUSE, I WILL GO ALL ALLAH ON YOUR ASS!"

Bavaria sighed. "Oh Saudi Arabia..."

_**At The House...**_

Austria, who was the last one inside the house, jogged into the living room. "Hey, Bayern, I told you that I would take Frittie out of the car."

Bavaria looked at Austria with a stunned expression. "Ja. Didn't you get him?"

Austria shook his head. "No. He wasn't in his car seat."

Bavaria's stomach began to knot. "I didn't get him either."

Everyone in the room began running around like headless chickens, trying to find the child.

Austria and Bavaria were stressed out and started arguing.

"Bavaria, this is _all _your fault! If you just would have taken Frittie out of the car, we would not have this problem!"

"Shut up, Austria! _You_ said that _you_ wanted to get him out and that _I_ could go inside!"

"You're a lazy parent!"

"You can suck my dick!"

"Funny you should say that, Bayern! You do all the dick-sucking in this house!"

Italy and Germany also started fighting.

"Germany, don't run! You're gonna hurt the baby!"

"Shut up Italy! I won't!"

"Yes, you will!"

"No, I won't!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

Suddenly, there was a solid thunk, like an open palm hitting the side of a face.

"Germany, that fucking hurt!"

Spain and Romano bickered slightly also.

"Why am I looking for this little potato bastard anyway?"

"Well, Romano, this 'potato bastard' is the nephew of your brother and also the nephew of one of our best friends. _That _is why you are looking the mini potato bastard."

"Jackass, Prussia is _your_ best fucking friend. _Not_ mine."

"Don't swear, Romano. The baby can hear you."

"Bullshit."

"No, Romano, it's not. My doctor, Miss Gutierrez, talked to me about it since she knows that you have a potty mouth."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Oh, Romano, the baby moved!"

All the nations met up in the kitchen. Bavaria had obviously been crying.

Spain looked at Canada. "Hey, Canada, amigo, where's Prussia?"

"He went upstairs to take a nap."

All the nations looked at each other for a moment before screaming, "PRUSSIA!" and running up the stairs.

Austria ripped open the bedroom door, pulling it from the top hinge. Prussia was passed out on Austria and Bavaria's bed. Munich was sleeping in his crib.

Romano leapt on to the bed and began choking Prussia. "You fucking jackass! We-a all thought that-a some fucking weird-ass potato bastard _pedophile_ had-a taken the baby! FUCK-a YOU!" Romano stopped his choking of Prussia.

Prussia coughed. "My kid is gonna be half-dumb and totally unawesome because of that…"

"WELL, YOU'RE-a ALL READY FUCKING RETARDED, SO LET'S-a MAKE-a YOUR-a POTATO CHILD DUMB-a ON-a OVERDRIVE!"

Austria, Bavaria, Canada, Germany, Italy, and Spain began to laugh.

Romano's eyes were glowing red. "What's-a so funny?"

"You... you stood up for a mini-potato bastard." Spain snickered.

"SHUT-a THE FUCK UP!" Romano walked toward the door. "SCREW-a THIS, I'M-a TAKING A NAP!"

Germany smirked and yelled, "Go Cartman!"


	8. Never At Home

**Author Commentary:** Austria whines... a lot. And other amazing shit happens. (Austria definetly OOC in this.) Also: the spacing got messed up with this one. I'm sorry.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

Romano and Spain—who were sitting at Bavaria and Austria's kitchen table—stared at the ultrasound picture Spain had received the afternoon before. The two expectant parents were still in absolute shock at what they were seeing.  
Austria—who was putting groceries away while Bavaria was showering—gave the couple a strange look. "What's going on?"  
Romano merely glanced up at Austria with a terrified expression on his face and mouthed "potato bastard" before looking back down at the picture.  
"Why aren't you two ever at home?" Austria bitched. "Seriously, everyone's been at my house lately!"  
This was no joke. Why, just the night before, Canada, Prussia, Italy, Germany, Romano, Spain, and France had spent the night. France stayed because he had been fighting with England. Everybody else stated because they fucking felt like it.  
Bavaria came out of the bathroom, holding Munich. Bavaria was in only pajama bottoms and Munich was in a little blue onesy.  
"Why are you two staring at the picture like that?" Bavaria asked Romano and Spain as he handed Munich to Austria. "I understand that it is absolutely amazing to see your child, but seriously. The way you two are looking at it is ridiculous."  
"Why are you two never at home?" Austria bitched, again.  
Bavaria elbowed Austria in the mouth. "Shut up."  
Italy and Germany came stumbling out of the room they had "rented" for the night. Germany hardly made it to the couch before crashing out again.  
Italy sighed, rolled his eyes, and smiled.  
"What's up with Germany?" Austria asked, still sounding very bitchy.  
"Vee... he's tired," Italy whispered. "The baby kept him up all night."  
"A little early for that," Bavaria commented. The nation thingamajig laughed a bit before continuing, "I just think he's being a bit of a baby."  
Italy gave Bavaria a deadly look that shut the latter up.  
Austria handed Munich back to Bavaria. The brunette looked over in Spain and Romano's direction, only for him to notice that... THEY WERE STILL STARING AT THE FUCKING PICTURE.  
"All right, you know what?" Austria snapped. "You two stay at my house, eat my food, sleep in my bed, and you won't fucking tell me why you're staring at an ultrasound picture like idiots? FUCK YOU!"  
"Shut-a the fuck up!" Romano yelled when he looked up from the picture.  
"Finally, an answer!" Austria went all dramatic with hand motions and such.  
Spain pulled Romano back down into his seat before Romano could beat Austria's ass. "Fucking bastardo," Romano grumbled while giving Austria the king of dirty looks.  
"Please, fratello," Italy begged. "Tell us what is such the big deal."  
Spain smiled and gave Romano an excited look. Romano sighed and grumbled, "We're-a having twins."  
Everyone started jumping up and down and congratulating Romano and Spain. Germany swatted at the air, trying to hit whoever was closest to him that was being loud (it was Italy.)  
Prussia and Canada shuffled from their room to the kitchen. Canada smiled at all the fanfare, knowing exactly what was going on (he was told the night before along with Prussia and France.)  
Prussia sat down on the couch... right on Germany. Germany sprang up and shoved Prussia off him. "WHAT THE HELL, EAST?" The blond roared.  
Everyone stopped celebrating and looked at Prussia, who was flat on his ass on the ground, and Germany, who was fuming.  
"You dick!" Canada yelled as he rushed to Prussia. "You could have killed my baby!"  
Italy let out a sigh. "And it's always Germany who's starting the fights..."  
England and France were walking in the living room as Italy said that. England smirked and replied, "It's okay, 'cause it's not like 'e evah wins!"


	9. America, Oh Stupid America

**Author Commentary:** This is _exactly_ what happens when Grandma takes you to the Ice-Cream Shoppe and buys you a honking, big-ass German chocolate ice-cream cone.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

Austria, Bavaria, Italy, and Germany decided to go out for ice cream. The little family piled into Italy's van葉aking Munich with them預nd headed out.

Italy is a godawful driver as everyone knows. The little bright-eyed, well-meaning brunette kept whipping around corners, throwing everyone arund. Germany had it the worst, since his seat belt was much too loose and back was sore. Every time Italy would take a turn, Germnay's side would either slam against the door or the console in between him and Italy. When Italy would stop, Germany would be thrown forward. When Italy would begin moving again, Germany would be thrown backward.

Germany glared into the rear view mirror a Bavaria who only shot a sympathetic look.

Once Italy had pulled into the parking lot, Germany was absolutely relieved.

The four庸ive if you count Munich揚ot out of the car. Bavaria had his hand wrapped tightly around the handle of Munich's car seat.

"Vee... it's strange that it's the beginning of March and we are going out for ice cream," Italy said as they walked up to the doors of the ice cream shop.

Austria smiled plastically. "Hey, Italy."

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

And that he did!

The little family walked inside the ice cream shop. The went up to the counter to order. Five other people were in front of them.

"Vee... what are you guys getting?" Italy asked quietly.

"A small mint chocolate chip ice cream," Bavaria replied.

Austria thought about it for a moment. "A large lemon soft serve."

Bavaria rolled his eyes and laughed

Italy nudged Germany. "Vee... how about you, dear?"

"A large German chcolate soft serve..." Germany yawned loudly. "Thing. How about you?"

Italy softly rubbed Germany's lower back, causing the larger blond man to shudder under Italy's touch. "Oh... probably the mint chocolate chip... thing. Just in large."

It took a short three minutes to get to the front of the line.

The guy taking orders America.

"Woah, dudes, didn't expect to see y'all here!" America laughed. He then asked Austria, "So, what's up, Prissy?"

"The sky, moron," Austria remarked as he rolled his eyes. The brunette then gave America the orders and told him which ice cream went to who.

"Okay, that'll be twelve dollars and twenty-four cents."

Austria, wincing as if it hurt, forked over money.

"Y'all can sit at a table. I'll bring the ice cream," America informed Austria.

The small family found a table close to the order counter and sat down. Bavaria put Munich謡ho was still inside his carseat熔n the table. The little albino stared intesely at Bavaria with his mismatched eyes.

"You are so cute," Bavaria said as he wiggled his son's little toes. "Even though you look like Uncle Prussia, you are so cute. Yes, you are."

Austria耀ince the messing with did not seem to bother Munich曜oined Bavaria.

Germany rested his head on Italy's shoulder. Italy kissed Germany's forehead. Just as Germany dozed off, America came over with the ice cream.

"Small mint chocolate chip," America said as he handed the ice cream in question to Bavaria. "Large lemon soft serve for Austria." Austria gladly took the ice cream from America. "Large mint chocolate chip for Italy." America handed the cone to Italy. "And, finally, a large German chocolate soft serve for Fat Ass."

As Germany took the ice cream, he asked, "What did you just say?"

"I said 'Large German chocolate soft serve for Fat Ass', fat ass." America smirked.

Germany glared at Bavaria, who sprang into action. "Shut the hell up, America."

America faked thinking about it. "Naw."

"Ja, you will," Bavaria informed America.

America shook his head.

Bavaria scooted his chair back from the table as if he was going to stand.

Before America could make another remark, Germany stood up, turned around, and punched America right on the nose.

America stumbled backward and landed flat on his ass. Blood covered his t-shirt.

"You broke my nose!" America screamed.

"Good. Maybe you'll finally learn your lesson," Germany commented as he sat down.

"Somone take me to the emergency room!" America wailed, cupping his bleeding nose.

"No one is taking you to the hospital because then you won't learn your lesson, moron," Austria informed the injured nation.

America scoffed. "You bag of douche, you ripped that right off of _Family Guy_!"


	10. Burger King Can Lick My Salty Balls

**Author Commentary:** Got to love fast food and stupid America. On a side-note which will come into play later in the story: Vilnius is a boy and Warsaw is a girl.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Mpreg, OOCness

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything**.**

"We should go out for lunch," Canada suggested. "It's boring being locked in Bavaria's house all day, eh?"

Austria gave Canada the are-you-crazy-you-stupid-North-America-pancake-eating-break-someone's-nose-and-apologize look. "I refuse to go anywhere to eat, especially after the Germay-America fiasco."

Spain looked at a noticably frustrated Germany. Spain was wearing a smirk on his face. "Oh, amigo, did you call America a fat ass?"

Germany rolled his eyes and gave a sigh that sounded much like a growl. "No. America called _me _a fat ass, so I punched him in the nose."

Prussia smirked at his younger brother. "Well, Mr. Unawesome Germany, America called you a fat ass because you _are _a fat ass. Kesesese. I am awesome!"

Canada rolled his eyes.

Italy felt this giant rush of protectiveness swell in his chest. _Nobody _was allowed to talk to his Germany like that. The brunette stood up and screamed, "Then what does that make you?"

Prussia didn't even think about what he was going to say: "I am awesome!"

"Yes, dear, you are." Canada sighed. "I still think we should go out for lunch."

Italy threw his hands together. "We should go to Olive Garden!"

Germany rested his head on Italy's shoulder. "That' so expensive, though."

"Jade Garden?" Canada had a massive hankering for Chinese food.

Romano shook his head. "Fuck-a no! They-a serve-a cat!"

"Wendy's?" Bavaria wasn't really into fast food, but Wendy's was his favorite if he was forced to choose.

"No, their food is too over-priced for the taste." Germany yawned.

Spain grinned. "Ponderosa?"

Prussia shook his head. "Germany will over-eat and become more fat and awesome than ever."

Germany rolled his eyes. That wasn't even a _good_ insult.

Austria was having a feeling that this was going to be an absolute disaster, but went ahead and suggested, "Arby's?"

All the nations at once said, "No!" Ever since the whole kid-gets-served-the-tip-of-a-finger-in-his-burger thing in Jacksonville, Michigan, no one wanted to eat at Arby's.

Prussia made what he thought was the most awesome suggestion, "Red Lobster!"

"I-a don't want-a my baby momma to-a get-a food posioning!" Romano responded.

Spain blushed like a Catholic school girl. "Oh, Romano..."

"Applebee's?" Bavaria cried.

Canada met that with a firm "No."

"Why?" Bavaria practically screamed, preparing to tear his hair out.

"Some two year old was served beer instead of apple juice."

Bavaria rolled his eyes, removed the flat-screen television remote from the arm of the couch, and flipped the television on.

A commercial was on. And that commercial was for... Burger King!

Canada jumped from the loveseat and struck a disco-like pose. "To Burger King!"

Everyone sighed and groaned about how their back hurt or that they just got comfortable or they wanted to take a nap.

Canada finally snapped and yelled, "GODDAMN IT! WE _ARE _GETTING IN BAVARIA'S FUCKING MINI-FUCKING-VAN AND FUCKING GOING TO FUCKING BURGER FUCKING KING WHETHER YOU ALL FUCKING LIKE IT OR FUCKING NOT!" Canada waved his arms around. "FUCK!"

Everyone stared at Canada in absolute shock. Prussia made a whimper-like noise as if he was ready to cry.

"Um... I'll go get the baby," Austria said as he stood from the couch.

The eight nations, along with the one adorable city baby, piled into Bavaria's mini van which Austria was driving.

"I'm sorry for freaking out," Canada謡ho was seated behind Austria預pologized to everyone in the car.

Bavaria謡ho was in the right front passenger seat耀hrugged. "No big deal."

Prussia still looked terrified. No one really cared.

After fifteen minutes of driving, Austria pulled up to the drive-thru. There were three cars in front of them.

"What does everyone want?" Austria demanded. Austria wanted nothing.

Bavaria ordered a Whooper Junior and a Diet Coke. Canada also got a Whooper Junior and a Coca Cola. Germany asked for a chicken sandwich and a large water. Italy expressed his "need" for a Whooper Junior and a Root Beer. Prussia demanded a Whooper Double and a Pepsi Max. Romano commanded Austria to order him a Whooper Junior and a Diet Pepsi. Spain very sweetly asked for a Whooper with extra pickles with no onions; fries with extra salt; and an extra large Pepsi with Diet Coke, Sprit, and Coca Cola mixed in.

"Holy shit," was Austria's only remark as he pulled up to the speaker.

"Herromyeetokyerohder," Was the noise that came from the speaker.

Austria, completely dumbfounded with what had be said, asked, "What?"

"Herro. May. I. Take. Your. Ohder?"

"Ja," Austria replied before listing off what everyone had requested.

"Hory cow," The Asian-y sounding young man running the speakrer said. "Ret my repeat that." After repeating what was ordered, the Asian-y dude ask, "Is this arr correct?"

"Ja," Austria responded, trying his hardest to not laugh at the man's voice.

"Prease purr up to the next winder."

"I could hardly understand what was saying," Austria whispered to Bavaria as the former drove up to the pay window. "And it was hilarious."

Bavaria nodded. "Agreed."

The pay window opened. The cashier/speaker informed Austria of the price, "Thirty-seven dollars and fifty-nine cents."

Austria reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet. The brunette gasped in horror. There was no wallet.

"I forgot my wallet," Austria muttered to Bavaria.

Bavaria held up Austria's wallet. Bavaria's face had a huge smirk on it. "You left it on the kitchen counter."

Austria swiped his wallet from Bavaria and pulled out a fifty. As he turned to hand it to the cashier, he realized who it was. "Japan!"

"Shh!" Japan demanded. "Here, I am referred to as Kiku Honda."

Austria smirked. "All right then... Kiki."

While Japan handed back the change he made a special effort to hit Austria on the top of his head. "Have a nice, asshore!"

Austria smiled. He then pulled up to the pick up window. He was handed the drinks before the food.

"Diet Coke." Austria handed it to Bavaria. "Diet Pepsi." Austria stretched his arm diaginally to hand the pop to Prussia. "Root Beer." Austria it to Canada, who handed it to Prussia, and Prussia gave to Italy after stretching his arm out diaginally. "Coca Cola." Austria passed it over his head to Canada's up stretched arms. "Another Diet Pepsi." Austria handed to the drink to Prussia, who gave it to Italy, who gave it to Germany, who (accidently) threw it at Spain, Spain caught it and gave it to Romano. "Spain's... ah... _mixture._" Austria gave it to Prussia, who gave it to Germany, and Germany謡ithout throwing it揚ave it to Spain. "And, finally, Germany's water." Austria handed it to Canada, who passed it to Prussia. Prussia grinned evilly and removed the lid from the cup. The albino lifted it over his head and dumped on Germany, soaking the blond in ice-cold water.

"Prussia!" Everyone yelled together. "What the hell?"

The man at the pick up window stuck his head out. "Could y'all pull up a bit? Your food'll be out in a minute."

Austria turned his head to look at the man. "Ja, sure we c輸MERICA?"

"Shut up, dude!" America yelled. "Call me Alfred!"

"Why are _you_ working here?" Austria demanded to know. "I thought you worked at the Dairy Barn ice cream shop."

America smirked proudly. "I got fired because I called Germany a fat-ass and management overheard. Is he in the car?"

"Ja. He's soaking wet because Prussia dumped water on him."

"Ha!" America snickered. "What now, fat ass? What now?"

Germany simply growled and rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, the person in the car behind them began hammering on the horn. Austria into the rear-view mirror. Poland, Lithuania, and their two kids邑arsaw (Katarzyna) and Vilnius (Andrejs)謡ere in the car.

Austria pulled ahead.

Poland and his little family received their food before Austria and his group. As Poland drove away, he flipped Austria off. Poland was then prevented from getting onto the road by oncoming traffic.

Austria scoffed loudly. "Fuck you too, bitch!" Austria returned Poland's gesture.

Someone came jogging out with three bags of food in hand. "Sorry for the wait, aru."

"Chi雄ao! You work here, too?" Austria asked stupidly.

"Yes, Roderich, I do work at Burger King, aru." China handed to bags to Austria. "Have a nice day, aru."

"You too." Austria was genuenly confused.

China jogged back into the resturaunt.

Austria gave the bags to Bavaria. Bavaria passed the food out.

As the group headed home, Spain yelled, "Shit!"

"What?" Austria growled.

"They forgot the pickles!"


End file.
